Inclusive language — practical phrasing for daily use

May 2, 2026 6 min read

Inclusive language is not a list of forbidden words. It is the small daily habit of talking about people in ways that don’t accidentally misgender, exclude, or pathologize them. Most of it is easier than it sounds.

Five general principles

People over conditions. Say “a queer person,” not “a queer.” Say “a trans woman,” not “a transsexual.” The noun form turns a human being into a category. The adjective + noun keeps the person in the sentence.
Default to neutral when in doubt. When you don’t know someone’s gender, “they” is fine. “What does this person do?” is fine. “What do they want?” is fine. Defaulting to “he” or “she” is not neutral — it is a guess that hurts when wrong.
Match what the person uses for themselves. If someone calls themselves “queer,” call them queer. If they call themselves “lesbian,” not “gay,” use lesbian. The person owns their label.
Avoid the medicalized vocabulary. “Transsexual,” “homosexual” (as a noun), “tranny,” “shemale,” “hermaphrodite” — all of these have either clinical or insulting histories. The clean modern terms are “trans,” “gay/lesbian/bi,” “trans woman/man,” “intersex.”
Don’t out anyone. Even in safe-feeling spaces, don’t reveal someone’s identity, pronouns, or relationship status without their permission. Queer people decide when, how, and to whom they come out.

Word-by-word: English

Words to avoid (and what to use instead)

Avoid	Why	Use instead
”Homosexual” (noun)	Clinical, dated, often used by hostile contexts	”Gay” / “lesbian” / “queer"
"A gay” / “a queer”	Reduces person to label	”A gay person” / “a queer person"
"Transsexual”	Older clinical term; many trans people find it uncomfortable	”Trans” / “transgender"
"Tranny” / “shemale”	Slurs	”Trans woman” / “trans person"
"Hermaphrodite”	Inaccurate and dehumanizing	”Intersex"
"Sex change”	Implies the person was one sex and became another	”Transition” / “gender-affirming care"
"Born a man” / “born a woman”	Confuses sex assignment with identity	”Assigned male/female at birth"
"Biologically a man/woman”	Erases trans identity, ignores intersex variation	Just say their gender; if you must, “assigned-male/female-at-birth"
"Preferred pronouns”	Implies pronouns are a preference, not real	”Pronouns"
"Lifestyle”	Implies queer life is a choice or trend	”Identity” / nothing — they have a life, not a lifestyle
”What was your name before?”	Invasive	Don’t ask. Names are personal.
”Are you the man or the woman in the relationship?”	Reduces queer relationships to imitation of straight ones	Don’t ask.

Phrases that are fine

“Trans woman” / “trans man” / “trans person” — clean, current, respected
“Non-binary person” / “non-binary”
“Coming out” — describes the act of disclosing one’s identity
“LGBTQ+” or “LGBTQIA+” — current standard acronyms
“Same-sex couple” / “same-gender relationship”
“Gay marriage” or “marriage equality” — both used, “marriage equality” preferred politically

Word-by-word: Arabic

Arabic is more challenging because it is grammatically gendered down to the verb. Some pragmatic guidance:

Terminology

Avoid	Why	Use instead
شاذ / شاذة (shādh/shādha)	Literally “deviant” — slur unless reclaimed by the speaker themselves	مثلي / مثلية (mithlī / mithliyya)
خنثى (khunthā) for trans people	Classical word for hermaphrodite/intersex; not appropriate for trans people	متحول/ة جنسياً for trans, ثنائي/ة الجنس for intersex
متحول جنسي (without the ـة on a trans woman)	Wrong grammatical gender — misgenders	متحولة جنسياً for a trans woman, متحول جنسياً for a trans man
خبل / مرض نفسي when describing being queer	Pathologizes identity as mental illness	Just describe the identity neutrally

Gender-neutral phrasing where possible

In Arabic, many sentences must take a gender. Strategies for being inclusive:

Use the plural form when speaking generically: العراقيون الكويريون (“queer Iraqis,” masculine plural which historically functions as gender-inclusive). Some writers now use العراقيون والعراقيات الكويريون for explicit inclusion.
Use abstract nouns instead of personal references: التجربة (the experience), الوضع (the situation), الناس (people).
Use the second person singular only when you know the gender, or use both: إذا كنتَ/كنتِ في خطر — “if you (m/f) are in danger.”
For non-binary individuals who use انهف, see the inahuf guide for the full conjugation system.

Greetings and address

يا حبيبي / يا حبيبتي — gendered terms of endearment. Use the form that matches the person’s gender. When unsure or non-binary: يا حبّي (“my love” in a more abstract form), or just the person’s name.
سيد / سيدة — Mr. / Mrs. Use the form the person prefers. Avoid these in contexts where they are not requested.
حضرتك — formal “your honor,” gendered in pronoun but neutral enough in standard usage.

Talking about queer people without outing them

This is critical in any environment where being queer is unsafe. If you know someone is queer but they have not disclosed publicly:

Refer to relationships as “their friend” / “their roommate” — let the listener interpret
Use plural pronouns when describing them in mixed company — “I was hanging out with them and some friends”
Don’t ask about partners in front of family
Don’t pull up photos of someone’s queer-coded life on a shared screen
Mirror what the queer person does themselves — if they use a code word for their partner, you use the same code word

Talking with people who haven’t figured out their identity yet

If you know someone is questioning, you can be a steady presence without pushing them in any direction:

Don’t predict. “I always knew you were gay” is not helpful, even if true. Let them find their own words.
Use the pronouns and name they currently use, until they tell you otherwise. Don’t assume.
Make small statements that they can quote later. “Whoever you turn out to be, you are still my friend.” This is a deposit they can withdraw months later when they are ready.
Listen more than advise. Their internal process is theirs. Your job is to make space for it.

When you mess up

Everyone messes up. The right response:

Brief correction. “Sorry, I meant they.”
Move on. Do not perform regret. Do not require the queer person to comfort you.
Internalize. Notice what triggered the mistake. Practice the right form in your head later. Don’t make the same mistake twice.

The quality of your relationship is built on the average accuracy over time, not on perfection in any single instance.