Past experiences with relationships and choosing isolation
, Moon (A-A)
Heyy I am A-A
I realized after my last relationship that it would be very hard to find someone to who wants to leave with me
Finding a lasitng relationship is already very hard, in five years of accepting myself and dating men I only found two who were willing to stay for more than one night…
One of them we stayed together for less than a year and things were going great to be fair he was cute and understanding and didn’t ask for much from me especially considering how broke I was at the time, but it ended when his family starting suspecting him for a bit. Maybe I was asking too much from him but I honestly dont know if that was the case or just bad luck
The other one we kept going for a year or so, and again everything was going great and again he was honestly amazing, he had his own place and I was pretty much living with him lol, he helped me a lot god bless his soul and never asked me anything in return but I helped as much as I can around the house doing handyman stuff yk? And outside of that too to pay him back and because it felt really good to be helpful. Again though we had to end it because his family was forcing him to marry and he was living such a comfortable life because of them he didn’t want to leave them, I accepted it obviously but we stayed as friends, the problem was he kept wanting to meet up and do stuff together and I couldn’t do that poor girl he married like that because it was cheating, I eventually had to block him which was a very hard choice. Now im almost 26 and from one “situationship to another as one of you poetically described it lol.
And I’ve been thinking about moving out across the country for years honestly, but the hope of leaving this country altogether was the reason I kept delaying.
Last year I woke up one day and realized that I have nothing here, and no one really… I liked my family well enough to tolerate them and the fact that my sister ( the only one I actually loved of all of them ) relied on me a lot made this worse for me.
But now I have to choose isolation as a last ditch effort to keep my sanity, even if it is hard even if I have to start from zero again even if it is a big risk. I have to do it, I need to do it. And it is not like Ill be safe from the government there, but at least far away from family.
I am scared “shitless” pardon the expression, losing sleep and stressed 24/7 because of it but all worthwhile things are difficult and I dont want to end up ( no offense intended but that is what I saw ) like some queers I saw around here.
This turned into a rambley mess and the punctuation wasn’t great too, so excuse that please.
here is a cute story to make up for it: One time my ex asked me to kill a cockroach and it was the biggest nastiest oldest flying cockroach ever but I had to lock in so I dont look like a pussy infront of him cuz he’ll lose attraction, I was and still am terrified of cockroaches but yk? The things we do for love.